I’ve walked this earth for 55 years feeling as if I were a dead person.
I woke up every day, I raised my children, I went to college, and I went to work, but I was a living shell.
I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be in loving family, and I wanted to be a mama and raise healthy children in a safe home.
I didn’t know how to do any of those things because I felt dead inside.
I didn’t understand the extent of the emotional damage my stepfather caused when he came into my bedroom secretly at night starting at age of 6.
I couldn’t tell anybody what he was doing for fear that the secret would kill them, for that is what he told me. I carried that inside for so many years, and it chipped away at my soul.
The shame and guilt that I felt was all encompassing and I could not get clean. All my life I have tried to wash off the filth that he left on me, but I just couldn’t get clean. So, I buried it inside and went on with my life.
Now, 55 years later, I am in trauma treatment. It breaks my heart to realize that a huge part of me died back when I was a child, and I’ve been trying to live my life carrying that death within me.
My inner child continues to cry for help and safety. I finally see her and will spend the rest of my life acknowledging her pain and fear.
I am an adult now and I want her to understand that she does not need to feel ashamed anymore. None of this was her fault, and none of it was my fault.
My goal is to be at peace with that, and to spend the rest of my life comforting not only my own inner child but reaching out you. If your inner child still cries out for comfort, and you feel afraid to open up that pain, please know you’re not alone.
What are your experiences healing your inner child? I would love to be able to provide a place for us to support each other and share our successes.
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